For Sale: Audio Setup

Selling my audio setup which consists of the following:

Sherwood RX-4109 Amplifier
Mission 771 Bookshelf Speakers

All in perfect working order and supplied with speakers cable. Speakers have some very slight marks as seen in the photos. Can be demonstrated working.

£100

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Me and My Anxiety

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So here goes, I am about to lay my real thoughts down on paper, well notepad to be more precise.

For as long as I can remember I have suffered from anxiety, I didn’t know it as a child but as I matured I was able to relate to other peoples stories of anxiety and what the inner feelings actually felt like. I get it in waves but when I get it it comes in many forms, most notably in the form of my neck stiffening up and going into a spasm which then causes my head to shake/tremor uncontrollably. This is followed by sweating and in extreme cases the whole left side of my body shaking, in the form of my left hand shaking, to the point where I cannot type or even hold a cup of tea.

The reason I am typing this up today is I had a bad dose of anxiety at lunch time in front of a bunch o my colleagues. As I was trying to eat a bowl of soup in front of three of my colleagues (one of which is a manager) I could feel the anxiety crawling up my spine like a spider on a cob web, and then bang my head started shaking. I try to tense up to prevent it from being visible but that just makes things worse. So now instead of eating my soup and engaging in normal conversation I find myself battling with my inner feelings and I don’t have capacity to ficus on anything else other than shaking and the fact I’m about to be spotted. Now do I just get up and walk making the situation worse or down I sit there and ride out the storm. I decide to man up and do the latter but this quickly becomes a bad decision as I am asked “Are you ok” to which I end up rambling on about me having a panic attack and that I am worried about having a seizure (I have photosensitive epilepsy as well) as the shaking make s me think about flaking out big time. Added to that the canteen is super bright with sun reflections bouncing of everything. Aaaaarrrgh!!!

The shaking continues as I try to eat my soup and decide ti just give up and concentrate on not passing out. This lasts for a good 10 minutes until my manager asks if I am ok and I exoplain that I am just trying to not have a seizure. He made a joke and said maybe I should do some work to take my mind of iut and this actually helped me forgte about all the shit going inside my body and mind nd it reduced the shaking down to nothing. I thanked him for that at least and continued on to eat a sandwich which went down dryer than a moth ball. But in the end it meant that now all my coleagues know I am some sort of mental freak, the last thing I want!

I have now spent the rest of the afternoon with headphones on listening to some soothing rain and wind from noisli.com. I can highly recommend this to try and calm down. As well as that I have started to listen to an anxiety YouTube channel, The Anxiety Guy, again I would highly recommend this for anyone else who suffers this horrible mind controlling disease. Thanks to thistinybluehouse.com for the suggestion.

I just wanted to write down today’s experience of my anxiety attack as its one of the worst I have had for a while, mainly because it was in front of people I work with on a daily basis and now they will judge me as being weak. To give you some background I am a Business Analyst in a mobile software company so I find myself having to work with developers explaining stories I have written and on calls with clients. Not good for someone with my condition but its better than having to deal with the public face to face on a daily basis. Away from work I have a just become a Dad and have recently moved house in the past 6 months, and am planning to move house again as where we live just is not working out. So all that stress along with sleepless nights and the fact that I recently had help from family members to clear a load of debt probably doesn’t help as its all weighing down on my shoulders.

I am hoping that by writing it all down it will help me get it all out of my system, a sort of rant about “why me” if you like. Hopefully anyone reading this who suffers the same sort of feelings and especially the shaking symtomps can realte and might take something positive in knowing they are not the only ones.

Anyway that’s almost time for me to head home, thank god and chill in time for yet another day of battling off the anxiety demons.

Thursday’s Thoughts

Its been a week since I posted, I have been under the weather with a bad chest infection meaning I have also been off work for a few days. Anyway I am back at my desk and sitting having my lunch, gone for the healthy option of tomato and roasted pepper soup with some homemade tuna sandwiches from Jane.

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In other news I’m slowly coming round to the decision that Facebook is a load of crap and I want to have my own spot on the web to post my actual thoughts rather than the fake ‘look at me’ life style portrayed on other social media platforms. So here I am blogging and I must admit I do enjoy battering my thoughts out on the keyboard, not for likes or for recognition but just for me to vent!

So expect to see more of these daily/weekly updates on random topics that of interest to me and only me. Who knows this might take off but I highly doubt it. Its more  a place for me to look back and remember what I was doing at a certain point in life. Anyway I have finished the soup so now on to the sandwiches mmmmmmm. Until next time…….

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Being a Dad

So I became a Dad to Finlay for the first time on the 5th of December 2016. I had always thought what it would be like, all that responsibility and just being called Dad. What I didn’t factor in was the crazy first few mo this of babyness. It’s all been good fun and a bit of a journey.

It’s made stronger and more mature as a person, that’s for sure. It has made me apply myself harder at work and look at life with a different outlook. Not the party life but the family life and building for the future.

Anyway I am writing this as Finlay and I get ready for a doctors appointment. I have a bad cough and it’s Finlay’s weigh in day. Here he is waiting on Mum getting ready.

The Real Stand Up!

Was pumped for the stand up at work today as I was listening to my Rap/RnB playlist on Spotify. Listening to Eminem again and the Real Slim Shady really makes you appreciate how good he was back then. So today is going to consist of more tea and bouncing like a “wannabe homie” hahaha. If anyone is interested you can listen to my playlist here.

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When the Boss is away……..

So today the boss is on holiday and I have been working on some concept ideas that I need input from my boss and the client. Sent off the email and so now I’m sat with nothing to do. So I thought I would start and put some effort into learning SQL queries, after some browsing on reddit I found this handy resource. Working my way through this for the time being whilst munching on a bit on banana cake and a cuppa and zoned into https://www.noisli.com/

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